Common Relationship Traps in a Marriage

Relationships can seem like a tough thing to get a handle on, especially when things start going wrong. It can get hard to understand what is going on, and even harder to know what to do to change it. There are some common relationship traps that we all fall into sometimes, but luckily there are some easy things we can do to avoid them. Keep reading to learn about three common relationship traps that might be waiting for you!

1. Me VS. You Thinking- When we disagree on something, one common trap is to get stuck thinking about your spouse like they are the enemy, and you need to fight for the victory. We start thinking that everything will be fine once they learn to see things my way.    Now, think of two people both thinking this at the same time, and you might start to see why this just doesn’t work. This can happen around little things like whose turn it is to go shopping, or around big things like how money is managed or spent. The trouble with this is that when we start acting like we’re on separate teams, our real team, the relationship, will always loose.

   How to avoid the trap: Make an agreement with yourself and with each other that you will stay in the relationship, even when mad, scared, or hurt. Agree to tell each other what you think about things, even if it’s to say that you need some space. Most importantly, remember talk with each other in ways that clearly shows that you’re on the same team.

2. Allowing the relationship to be created by accident- When relationships start, we often will wait to see how it “fits” or how it’s going to “work out”. It is a good idea to make sure you feel right in a relationship, but there is another trap here to watch out for. When we do nothing but see if it “works out”, we’re allowing the relationship to be created by accident. This can become a real problem later, when things stop working so well, or life changes catch up with us. We can start feeling like our problems are just the way things are, and feel like we can’t really do anything about them. Not true!

   How to avoid the trap: Remember that you created your relationship, even if you allowed it to happen on accident. You always have the chance to create your relationship again, this time on purpose. Think about the things you need in your relationship, or ask what you can change about yourself. Most importantly, make decisions on purpose that allow you to have the relationship you need.

3. Hoping that it will get Better- We all have things that we wish were different in our relationships. When things get hard, it is sometimes easy to start hoping it will change, and then waiting. And waiting. And not doing anything to make it different! We start thinking that if we try harder it’ll work out, but working harder sometimes isn’t enough.

  How to avoid the trap: Instead of working harder, work smarter. If you want something to get better, you have to find what is needed to actually get the job done. If your roof was leaking, would you hope it gets better?  No! You would take the steps needed to fix it. If your car got a flat tire, would you keep driving and hope it got better? No! You would pull over and take the steps needed to fix it. So, in your relationship, are you just going to hope it gets better, or are you going to take the steps needed to fix it?